Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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