Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
