Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
