why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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