I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
