if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm like, not good at living.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
