I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
