its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
