Dude my mom stole all your condoms
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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