can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
