a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
