I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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