just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize