glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
