I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
