What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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