well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
