Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
