When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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