I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize