Do you still have your period?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
