It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
