I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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