If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
