I'm gonna have a badass scar
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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