Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
