I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
