Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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