I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
