the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm really busy with my period
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