People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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