You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
