How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
