stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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