i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
