i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
