theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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