I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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