That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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