My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize