Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Welp...herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As shirtless as possible
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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