forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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