When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
