She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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