Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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