Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
