even my farts smell like vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
