How'd it feel making her break her religion?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
