saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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