I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
