New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
