Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Farmville is her only friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
