It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
