My Higher Power is John Stamos
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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