No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize