Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
