I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
