I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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