I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
