It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize