that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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