You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
