NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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