Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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