I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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