This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
