I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
