We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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